Follow along this post explain how to accomplish that.
- Quit iTunes
- Open Terminal
- Type or copy and paste the line below
defaults write com.apple.iTunes AutomaticDeviceBackupsDisabled -bool true
That prevent backup to happen, but allows you to manually do it at your own will 'ctrl clicking' the device icon, like in the picture
To revert the original backup behavior
defaults write com.apple.iTunes AutomaticDeviceBackupsDisabled -bool false
or completely get rid of the key AutomaticDeviceBackupsDisabled added with defaults write
defaults delete com.apple.iTunes AutomaticDeviceBackupsDisabled
What about if you don't even want to be able to perform a manual backup?
defaults write com.apple.iTunes DeviceBackupsDisabled -bool true
To revert the original backup behavior
defaults write com.apple.iTunes DeviceBackupsDisabled -bool false
or completely get rid of the key DeviceBackupsDisabled added with defaults write
defaults delete com.apple.iTunes DeviceBackupsDisabled
Footnote
I tested this hack on a Macintosh with iTunes 10.5.2 and worked as expected with iPhone 4, iPad and iPad2.